WORD POWER

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE:

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:

WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

The Pastor's Ass

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he

entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read...

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

His Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that

he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered

the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following

headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she

would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold

it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered

the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the

plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas, the Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY?

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief

and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself, take

care of your ass, and enjoy life, stop worrying about everyone else's

ass and you'll live longer and be a lot happier!

How to make a bomb in three easy steps?

How to make a bomb in three easy steps.

1. Open up Microsoft Word

2. Change font type to "Wingdings"

3. Type "M" (capital "m")

Voila! the bomb should like like this:

M

If You Love Somebody...

The Old Version

If you love somebody, Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

The New Versions

• Pessimist
If you love somebody, Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.
• Optimist
If you love somebody, Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.
• Suspicious
If you love somebody, Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
• Impatient
If you love somebody, Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time forget her.
• Patient
If you love somebody, Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ...
• Playful
If you love somebody, Set her free ...
* If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again,
repeat *
• Vengeful
If you love somebody, Set her free...
If she doesn't come back,
Hunt her down and shoot her.
• C++ Programmer
if(you-love(m_she)) m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;
• Animal-Rights Activist
If you love somebody, Set her free...
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!
• Lawyers
If you love somebody, Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the
Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...
• Software expert
If you love somebody, Set her free...
If she comes back, I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
and but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
• Biologist
If you love somebody, Set her free...
She'll evolve.
• Statistician
If you love somebody, Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high,
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.
• Schwarzenegger's Fan
If you love somebody, Set her free...
SHE'LL BE BACK!
• Overpossessive
If you love somebody don't set her free.
• HR Specialist
If you love somebody set her free
By Offering her VRS and other benefits, then outsource her.
• MBA
If you love somebody set her free...
instantaneously...and look for others simultaneously
• Psychologist
If you love somebody set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.
• Somnambulist
If you love somebody set her free...
If she comes back, it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.
• Pragmatist
If you love somebody set YOURSELF FREE
If she asks you why say you don't give a damn.
• ERP Functional Expert
If you love somebody set her free...
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis
• Finance Expert
If you love somebody set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look fresh loans.
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.
• Marketing Expert
If you love somebody set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.

Human Geography

Geography of a Woman

• Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
• Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
• Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
• Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France, gently aging but still a warm and a desirable place to visit.
• Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
• Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
• Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
• After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

Geography of a Man

• Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick.

Have you passed 8th grade..??

Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 Salina, KS, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

---

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, KS - 1895

• Grammar (Time, one hour)
  1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
  2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
  3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
  4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do, lie, lay and run.
  5. Define Case. Illustrate each Case.
  6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
  7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.
• Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
  1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
  2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 ft. long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
  3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50 cts. a bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
  4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month and have $104 for incidentals?
  5. Find the cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
  6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
  7. What is the cost of 40 boards, 12 inches wide and 16 feet long at $20 per meter?
  8. Find the bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
  9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
  10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.
• U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
  1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
  2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
  3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
  4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
  5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
  6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
  7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
  8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.
• Orthography (Time, one hour)
  1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication?
  2. What are elementary sounds? How are they classified?
  3. What are the following and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
  4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
  5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e'. Name two exceptions under each rule.
  6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
  7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: Bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup
  8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: Card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
  9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
  10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.
• Geography (Time, one hour)
  1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
  2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
  3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
  4. Describe the mountains of North America.
  5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
  6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
  7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
  8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
  9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
  10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give inclination of the earth.

Why Kissing Is Good for YOU!

• ...it helps prevent tooth decay. Dr. Peter Gorden, Dental Advisor at the British Dental Association, explains. "After eating, your mouth is full of sugar solution and acidic saliva, which cause plaque build up. Kissing is nature's own cleaning process," he adds. "It stimulates saliva flow and brings plaque levels down to normal."
• ...it relieves tension. A passionate kiss is a great relaxation technique, says stress consultant, Michelle Kay Mcnabb. "When your mouth is in a kissing position, you're almost smiling and, as our emotions and body language are so closely linked, it's almost impossible to smile and feel tense at the same time," she explains. "Also, your breathing becomes deeper and your eyes close when you kiss - that's what you do when you relax. It's a perfect way to shut out the world."
• ...it helps you lose weight. "A long kiss makes the metabolism burn up sugar faster than usual," says Claire Potter. "The calories burned depend on the intensity, but you can rely on 10 calories for every 10 minutes."
• ...it slows the ageing process. "Kissing helps to tone your cheek and jaw muscles, so they're less likely to sag," says Cosmo's Fitness Consultant, Claire Potter.
• ...it increases fitness levels. Your heart is pumping, your pulse is racing..." If kissing is exciting, you release adrenaline into the bloodstream and your heart pumps more blood around your body," says Dr. Susan Hotchkies. "It's a great cardiovascular workout."
• ...it is a good indication of what's to come. Kissing a new man gives you the perfect opportunity to check out his pheromones - the chemical messengers that signal sexual attraction." The first kiss is always a good way to work out if there's any chemistry between you," says Paul Brown, a sexual and marital therapist. "In humans, it's thought that smells plays a vital part in subconscious attraction, and if your pheromones aren't in tune', you're unlikely to hit off in other areas."
• And finally, ...it boosts self-esteem. There's nothing better than a passionate kiss for a major dose of feel - good factor. "In theory, when you're kissing, you're happy. And when you're happy, you feel good about yourself," says psychotherapist Paul Zeal.